This is the story of my day with Richard Simmons.  It is a rare occasion that you get to meet your hero, it is even less likely that you will ever meet someone else’s, specifically when that hero is the Iconic Richard Simmons.  The following is my true account of the day I met, mocked, and was ultimately bested by the most unlikely of all heroes.  I present to you, the real Richard Simmons.  

I was listening to the radio one morning and Richard Simmons had called in to promote his upcoming publicity tour.  I thought an autograph of Richard Simmons would be the ultimate addition to my cubicle existence.  When I found out he would also be leading an aerobics session, I knew I had to be there.  So I called a friend and convinced him that he should come with me and off to the Mall of America we went.  

We showed up early to get a spot near the stage.

Then we started sweating it out

Until Richard called all the single guys on stage for a quick pep talk

At this point I should stop and explain.  Richard asked us to participate in the Mr Sensual Minnesota contest.  The winner takes home $100.  He told us to turn our backs to the crowd and when he counted to three we were to turn around and give the ladies “all we’ve got”.

I thought he meant choreograph our own dance, so i started with the “rising sun”

I may have started slow, but I quickly got back on track

Look at the power he generates with each sensual thrust.  Clearly a man among boys.

I was gaining ground, but I couldn’t keep up as Richard went for the last minute forearm barrel roll.

Even though I didn’t win, we all parted as friends.

Before we knew it, the contest was over.

As I walked off the stage, I felt a small tinge of remorse.  I had come here to publicly mock Richard Simmons in front of legions of his fans.  He saw us for what we were.  He knew what we were doing and he easily could have stopped us, but he let us have our fun anyway.  He took the high road and was really nice to us as we got our autographs and posed for our pictures.  And as I looked down at  the autograph and saw what he had written, I realized what a prick and a genius Richard Simmons truly is.